Tuesday, February 24, 2004

It's Not for the Dormroom Anymore.

I just read a blog entry written by a 15-year-old about smoking pot for the first time. Not surprisingly, she thought it was swell. While I'm not going to lose much sleep over her smoking the occasional bowl with some friends, I would like to let her know that if she starts doing the wake-n-bake, she will be an official pothead, and should probably pull back a bit before she loses her motivation to do anything but wear tie-dyed shirts and complain about the government while sitting weasel-eyed in her parents' basement.

I know this because from ages 15-25 I was a stoner chick through and through, and let me tell you, it's done permanent damage to my sense of fashion and musical taste.

Here's the kind of shit that happens to you when you're a pothead:

My college roommate Susan, her boyfriend, and I smoked a joint apiece my freshman year, then got the munchies for Ramen Noodles, that supercheap MSG laden "soup" that nobody eats as soup and just mixes the flavor packet directly with the cooked noodles. We filled my hotpot with water from the bathroom sink, turned it on, and crowded around it, staring intently for what seemed like half an hour, but we were on stoner time so who knows, really? After a loooooooong time, it occured to us that surely by now the water must at least be getting warm. It wasn't. What was going on? Was the hotpot broken? Oh, no! The hotpot is broken! Buzz kill, dude! What are we going to do? Could we borrow someone else's hotpot? If we did that, they'd know we were stoned! Then we'd have to share both our pot and the noodles with them! Oh, the humanity!

After another undeterminable amount of time had passed, we realized that the hotpot was not, in fact, plugged in.

Imagine another, say, 8 years of this behavior before it finally sunk in that I didn't necessarily have to be this stupid.

Here's what I'm doing with Ramen Noodles now. Note the improvement:

3/4 C natural peanut butter
1 1/4 C hot water
3 T cider vinegar
1 1/2-2 T tamari sauce
3/4 C toasted sesame seeds
4 1/2 T chinese sesame oil
1/2 t crushed red pepper
1/2 lb. tofu, cut into small chunks
2 pkgs ramen noodles
1 medium cucumber, cut into bite-sized chunks
4 scallions, minced
3/4 C finely-chopped cashews or peanuts

1.) In a medium-sized saucepan, combine the peanut butter and the hot water, stirring with a whisk until they form a smooth mixture.

2.) Add the vinegar, tamari, sesame seeds, sesame oil, crushed red pepper, and tofu chunks. Stir until blended. Set aside for now.

3.) Open your package of ramen noodles, take the tiny envelope of artificial flavoring, and place it in the garbage can.

4.) Boil the noodles in a saucepot of salted water for no longer than 3 minutes. If you are using a hotpot, for the love of God plug the stupid thing in.

5.) Heat the peanut sauce over a low flame, and add the cooked noodles. Mix well.

6.) Serve in individual bowls, topped with chopped cucumber, scallions, and chopped nuts.

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