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Thursday, March 25, 2004

I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart is trying to ruin my life.

Perhaps I should begin at the beginning. I have had a craving for rea macaroni and cheese for many days now. By "real" of course I mean homemade, with crispy breadcrumbs on the top, baked in the oven, all that good stuff. I have made "real" macaroni and cheese exactly once in my life. It was about a year ago, and it was for a party (in the context of the party's theme it made sense, I swear--I don't just go around bringing comfort food to parties willy-nilly). It was a huge hit, and it was really, really good.

So tonight, at about 8:30, I decided I would make real macaroni and cheese again. Rather than going to the Hyde Park Bar & Grill and ordering up some of their scrumptous homemade mac. Rather than opening the blue box. I would make my own. I'm strong, I'm independant, I don't need Mark to cook for me! (Sidenote: Mark, despite being a great cook, refuses to make any of my favorite comfort foods--he'll make the occaisonal batch of mashed potatoes, but that's it--he'd never lower himself to mac and cheese. He's a pain in the ass.)

So I figured first I needed a recipe. I vaguely remembered that when I made it before, I used a recipe from this cookbook, as I was living with Erica at the time and she owns it. So I figured I'd head over to the Food Network and find a Martha Stewart mac and cheese recipe in their online recipes. I found this one with little to no trouble. So far, so good. I checked ingredients and decided we had everything it called for, or a reasonable facimile thereof (she calls for sharp white cheddar, I have medium orange cheddar, she calls for Romano, I have Parmesan, but whatever, it will work, right?). I also noted that the recipe estimated 10 minutes of prep time and 55 minutes of cooking time. That would mean I could feast in a bit over an hour--certainly before 9:45. Eat at 9:45, bed at 11, that sounded reasonable. Not healthy maybe, but reaonable. So I started in on it.

Perhaps in Martha's world, where there are minions to grate your pound and a half of cheese, make your beschamel, butter your pans, do your dishes, those were reasonable estimates. In my world, they're not. The water for the pasta took 45 minutes to boil. The beshamel took 30 (of straight whisking) to do whatever it is beshamel does. It is now 10:30, and it's still in the fucking oven. And the very last thing in the entire world I want to do right now is eat macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese sounds really gross. The house is hot, the dishes need to be done (I think I used every pan we own), and all I want is a glass of water and my bed.

Fuck Martha. Next time I'm opening the blue box.

Endnote: To be fair, it looks like it will be really good. If and when I ever eat some, I'll let you know.

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